3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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