tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
