Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
