is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
