Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
