I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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