I love black thongs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
