dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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