you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
