I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
