I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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