Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
