Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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