I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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