and you said cock pushups were impossible
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
