we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
