I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
