I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
