Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
