i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
