Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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