I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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