Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
