if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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