I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
