I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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