I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
