I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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