If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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