WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
