booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
