We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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