i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
