It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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