Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
