I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
