So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
