And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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