Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
