They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
