Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
