dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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