I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
