we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
