I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
