roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
