Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So vagazzling was a success
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
