last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
