non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
