Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
