I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
