you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
