The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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