im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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