were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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