Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
