My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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