theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
