i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
