I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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